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Goats, crêpes and good-byes

Tuesday the 13th of June
Since the beginning of my semester here, it was planned that I would leave on the 13th of June - today. I had asked my organisation to allow me to leave later, because Norah had a theater performance on the 15th of June that she had been rehearsing the entire year for and I thought that it would be a shame if I were to miss it. The organisation, unfortunately, said no. Dead end. Turns out that no one would be here on Tuesday morning to take me to the airport, which sounds pretty bad, but allowed me to stay until next Monday - which means that I got to see Norah's performance! (It was amazing, but that's not what this is about).

I had an extremely busy day today. Asuka, Paul and I went to Asuka's house one last time before we left, and boy did we go out with a bang! I love where she lives - on a organic farm in basically the middle of nowhere. It's so surreal to be sitting in a field in France, surrounded by goats, an adorable sheep, chickens and my besties. Whose life am I living?? We played video games which I sucked at, but I mean they weren't the best either (haha) so we had a lot of fun.

We ate lunch with her host family outside in the shade, which was wonderful - her host family is so cool! I can see why she doesn't want to leave France. We stuck our feet in her pool, because we hadn't brought our bathing suits and didn't really have anything to do, so we made crêpes! They had a crêpe pan, so they were super professional and after the first few crêpes I really got a hang of flipping them, and pouring just the right amount of batter - opening a crêperie would be a great backup plan if what ever I decide to do goes south.

Paul and I left at around 4:30 with Asuka and her host dad in a white van. And we sat in the back. I thought that it would be super fun back there, but it was dark, hot and bumpy and I started to get a little carsick - we all did. It was a 30 minute drive or so, and I was doing all it took not to throw up - even though it would have made for a memorable good-bye. We finally arrived and the time had came to say au revoir. It was very sad. We took our last selfie and I walked away.

I didn't have much time to be sad though, as I had to get ready for my two concerts that night. I was so freaking hot from the van ride, and my stomach was still a little messed up, but I decided that I couldn't wear short overalls on stage. So I changed into my skinny jeans, but then it was so hot that I changed back into my shorts. Oh well. I had been planning to take the bus to the conservatory, but Laurent arrived just in time and drove me over, as he had to print something out in Vienne anyway.

So there were 2 songs that I had been practicing on the bassoon. They were both hard in their own ways, but I had been practicing them and I felt pretty confident about them. But then I remembered that I had to play them with the piano. And I hadn't practiced them with the piano at all. 5 minutes before my performance, I had my first and last rehearsal with the piano. It didn't go that great. This stressed me out much more than it should have. I was freaking out and like hyperventilating. I don't know exactly why. Aside from that, hyperventilating is not the best when you have to blow into an instrument!

So I basically didn't breathe for the whole entire first song, until the end of the second repetition where I caught my breath for like 2 measures. Why? I DON'T KNOW. So when the first song was over, my lungs were on fire. I was like burning up and could breathe even less and I was in full panic mode. I was keeping my cool on the outside, but I was crying, screaming and freaking out on the inside. I somehow managed to play the second song and walk calmly off the stage, but then I realised that I had to play 3 more songs with the kids orchestra. So I ran up 5 flights of stairs to get my notes for that, but then realised that they were on the 4th floor, so I rushed down, got my notes, and sprinted back to the 1st floor where all if the kids were.

We didn't go on for another 10 minutes or so.

I would have usually had my 30 minute private lesson after that, but I was still just overwhelmed by my mind-freakout, so we just chatted and my teacher gave me some more notes for the summer. I learned some interesting stuff about my teacher and finally we said good-bye for the last time as well. I don't like saying good-bye to people that I like, appreciate and admire! It's extremely sad, and really takes a toll on you. I'm writing this on Friday, and I've had to say bye to quite a few people in the last few weeks and it's really depressing!

I don't want to end on a sad note, so here's a picture of Vermicelle.


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I am leaving France tomorrow. I don't know exactly how I feel about this fact. So much about me has changed here and I feel like I will be leaving an important part of myself behind when I return home. It feels kind of weird to say "return home", because Vienne has become my home. Not just as in the place that I reside, but where I feel comfortable and among family. I have so many memories in this house, positive and negative, that leaving it is heart-breaking. It's not the same feeling as when I left Austria, because I knew that I would have something to return to and that I would be leaving for only 5 months, and now I know that I will never return to this house or go to the same lycée with the same people which is really sad right now.

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Thursday the 8th of June
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